English for Scammers

Curious as to why no one has claimed their UK lotto winnings from you? Why no one wants to call about the box of cash valued at Seven million five hundred thousand Dollars US (7,500,000.00 Dollars)? Why no one is responding to your PASSIONATE REQUEST FOR JOINT MUTUAL INVESTMENTS BENEFITS? If so, this book is for you.

Every day, it seems, we get heart-breaking emails like this one:

I see know reasons why you are been so skeptical about your bank draft presently in our custody.

We can tell you why. It’s your English. Your English is … bad. Inaccurate. Ungrammatical. Inappropriate.

While this book is not written for scammers, its purpose is to help you avoid writing like a scammer and having your business letter wind up in someone’s junk mail folder.

No one wants that. What you want is to have your business letters read and acted upon – because you’re in business.

English for Scammers analyzes common mistakes, drawn from genuine correspondence, and tells you how to improve your writing so that it is appropriate for standard business letters written in English. Each unit contains exercises and an answer key. A final exam at the end offers a comprehensive review of all topics.

Topics include:
• Proper forms of address
• Openings and closings
• Spelling
• Punctuation and capitalization
• HOW MANY CAPITAL LETTERS ARE TOO MANY
• Basic grammatical constructions
• Common sentence patterns for business letters
• When it is advisable to refer to your esophageal cancer; your religious faith; your charitable intentions; your connections with the UN, plane crash victims, and dead lottery winners; and more
• Appropriate tone and register

Use English for Scammers to hone your 419 letters – or even to write honest, clear, direct business correspondence.

The choice, dear readers, is yours.