Gill Sims

Why Mummy Drinks is the brilliant novel from Gill Sims, the author of the online sensation Peter and Jane.Boy Child Peter, Girl Child Jane and Daddy have exciting adventures with Mummy. Daddy likes gadgets. Peter and Jane like starting fires, trying to kill each other and driving Mummy to drink. Written from the point of view of an exhausted mummy at the end of the day, its honest, its funny, and its a little bit sweary.It is Mummys 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel at a future of people asking if she wants to come to their yoga class, and book clubs, where everyone is wearing statement scarves and they are all tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio. But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who live for their children, boasting about Boy Child and Girl Childs achievements. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering FML over and over, and then remembers the gem of an idea shes had

p>Um gim-tónico para a Primeiro dia de escola. Este ano, vou acertar em cheio em todos os assuntos da escola das crianças. Consigo aguentar tudo! Este ano não vai repetir-se o que aconteceu no ano

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited fourth and final Why Mummy novel. I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she's a little bit lost.And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don't know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying 'I can't find it Mummy' is not the same as actually looking for it! Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she's doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She's feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink. Reader reviews for Why Mummy's Sloshed 'Utterlybrilliant' 'Gill Sims never fails to make me laugh out loud' 'I fell in love with Gill Sims razor-sharp wit' 'I just adore this series' 'Ellen is the single most relatable character in any book' 'Devastated the series is finished'

Its time for a w(h)ineGod, shes funny Jilly CooperOh, for f*cks sake muttered Claire under her breath, as she opened the fridge to see what she could find for a no effort dinner. The children continued to fight behind her. They regarded any form of fish not encased in breadcrumbs as toxic, and were resistant enough to the delicious homemade fishfingers Claire had made for them, insisting they much preferred Captain Birdseyes version. White wine was starting to look like quite an appealing dinner actually. Maybe just a small glass.Are you having wine, Mum? You know youre not supposed to have wine every night. We did about alcohol units at school. Thats quite a big glass of wine, how many units do you think are in it?Bet the bastards didnt tell you that wine is remarkably good at cancelling out whining though, did they? muttered Claire.Claires family has gone nuclear. Her precious moppets keep calling Childline when she feeds them broccoli, shes utterly Ottolenghied out at weekends, and her darling husband is having an affair with her best friend.The question isnt whether she needs a glass of wine, but is there one big enough?Enter the Sauvignon Sisterhood, a new set of friends brought together by a shared love of liquid therapy. Together they might just be able to convince Claire that, like a good bottle of red, life really can get better with age. Or at least theres more to it than the joy of an M&S non-iron school uniform.

Bienvenidos al mundo de mamá...A papá le gustan los artilugios; al pequeño Peter y a la pequeña Jane les gusta provocar incendios, intentar matarse el uno al otro y hacer que mamá tenga que tomarse unas copas; y lo que necesita mama es tomarse un descanso y desconectar... Mama ha cumplido 39 años. Lo que ve ante si es un deprimente futuro lleno de invitaciones a asistir a clases avanzadas de yoga, y de educadisimos clubes de lectura donde todos afirman estar "contentillos" tras una copa de vino.Pero mama no quiere adentrarse en ese crepusculo de mujeres con peinados sensatos que "viven para sus hijos", que compiten en el cole contandose los logros de sus retoños y que alardean de sus mas recientes vacaciones; que va, lo que hace mama es agarrar una buena copa de vino y mascullar "¡Que asco de vida!" una y otra vez. Hasta que recuerda la fantastica idea que se le habia ocurrido...Gill Sims es la autora de Peter and Jane, un blog y una pagina de Facebook de gran exito donde habla sobre el reto que supone criar a los hijos. Vive en Escocia con su marido, sus dos hijos y un recalcitrante Border Terrier al que adopto en una protectora y que es el dueño y señor de la casa.A Gill le gusta beber vino, perder el tiempo en las redes sociales, intentar en vano recuperar su juventud perdida y buscar al perro cuando este decide salir a dar uno de sus habituales paseos."¡Dios, es muy divertida!".Jilly Cooper"Un libro honesto y muy divertido. Una historia con la que las madres se sentiran identificadas".The Sun

First book in a humorous series about Lila Mackay, a misunderstood but lovable character.

Bienvenue dans le monde d’Ellen, une maman parfaite… ou presque ! Elle jongle entre Peter, son fils relié à son iPad par un cordon ombilical, Jane sa fille qui veut faire fortune sur Instagram, et s

Mami ist gerade 39 geworden. Mit Schrecken blickt sie einer Zukunft entgegen, in der sie standig gefragt wird, ob sie nicht auch mal zum Yoga fur Fortgeschrittene kommen will,und wo auf Partys alle so tun, als hatten sie nach einem Pinot Grigio schon ein Schwipschen. Aber Mami hat weder Lust auf Yoga noch darauf, nur noch fur ihre Kinder zu leben und auf dem Schulhof rumzustehen, wahrend andere Mutter mit den jungsten auerlehrplanmaigen Aktivitaten ihres Nachwuchses angeben oder sie mit ihrem neuesten Familienurlaub zu beeindrucken versuchen. Stattdessen greift sie bei jeder Gelegenheit zu einem groen Glas Wein und fragt sich, wo sie selbst bei all dem Familientrubel eigentlich bleibt. Bis sie sich auf eine geniale Idee von fruher besinnt, die nur noch darauf wartet, in die Tat umgesetzt zu werden

Débordée, épuisée, excédée… Ellen en a marre d’essayer d’être une mère parfaite. Elle ne supporte plus ces autres mamans « géniales » qui prennent des cours de chinois avec leurs enfants, leur prép

The No.1 bestselling author of the Why Mummy series is back with her very first book for young YA readers! Fourteen-year-old Emily is gloomily spending the summer with her mums best friend Uncle Tom, helping him renovate his house, instead of being at home hoping the gorgeous Toby will ask her out. Worse, shes broken her phone and left her iPad at her dads house. How is she supposed to survive without her tech, her BFF and her social life? No one understands her despair, least of all the boomers. Then she finds her mums old diary. MASSIVE CRINGE. But as Emily starts to read, shes stunned to discover that her mum was once a teenager too. A nineties teenager called Lila MacKay, who was VERY MISUNDERSTOOD. Its a long-forgotten era of weird fashions, TV shows and music Emilys never heard of. There are boys too, notably cute Park Boy Tom and her mums dorky neighbour Weird Nicky. And as she becomes more and more invested in Lilas teenage life, Emily begins to wonder if perhaps she and her mother are not so different after all Perfect for fans of Geek Girl and readers who are that next age up from Lottie Brooks. Readers LOVE Lila Mackay! I cant wait to find out what happens next for Lila as I know there are more diaries to read! Perfect for fans of Lottie Brooks. I was looking for a new series to get into!! Nia, 13

The No.1 bestselling author of the Why Mummy series is back with her second book for young YA readers! In the throes of her first heartbreak, 14yo Emily flees to her dads house to lick her wounds. To make things worse, shes fallen out with her best friend Poppy about it all. No one can possibly understand how awful she feels. But through another of her mothers old diaries from the 90s, Emily learns that Lila Mackays teen love life was also messy, unfair, and filled with misunderstandings that resulted in a dreadful break-up with her first love, Nicky. Emily soon realises how much more important her best friend is than a dumb boy. But she has a funny feeling that perhaps Nicky was her mums true love all along. Can Emily reunite with Poppy and work together to give her mum the happy ending she deserves?

"HE DICHO QUE NO""NO TE SIENTES AHÍ","NO TOQUES ESO""PORQUE LO DIGO YO"Si te sientes identificada con estas frases, si eres madre, pero a veces quisieras no serlo, si pierdes los nervios más de lo que desearas, si tienes poco tiempo libre y mucho sueño, si eres experta en horarios y actividades extraescolares, si alguna vez al abrir tu nevera has visto que estaba todo caducado, si eres experta en improvisar y sueñas todas las noches con ver a tus hijos caer rendidos en la cama para tomarte una copa de vino,, este es tu libro.Relajate, tomate un respiro y abre las paginas de ¿Por que mama se cabrea?Un hijo conectado a su iPad como si fuera un cordon umbilical; una hija desesperada por hacerse millonaria como influencer de Instagram; un papa, siempre viajando por negocios.Y un matrimonio que se tambalea.La mama, de cuarenta y dos años, ha encontrado un trabajo en una empresa de nuevas tecnologias haciendose pasar por una divertida soltera sin compromisos familiares.¿Lograra sostener esta farsa? ¿Conseguira salvar a su familia? Y, sobre todo, tener su momento para poder tomarse un gin-tonic.Un libro con el que las madres se sentiran identificadas.

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited sixth Why Mummy novel.When family life gives you lemons, trade them for grapes! Mummy Ellen has a Vision. She will cherish every moment this holiday with her Moppets Peter and Jane, alongside her ride-or-die best pal, Hannah. There will be wicker baskets! Vintage bicycles! Pink sunshine wine! And not an electronic babysitter in sight. But as she strives for her picture-perfect Ultimate Family Summer in her not-quite-a-chateau, reality crashes the party. With small feral hell-beasts to keep alive on the daily, and Hannah suddenly MIA, wine oclock gets earlier by the day. Can Ellen keep The Vision alive without resorting to nightly beige freezer tapas (aka guilt-flavoured chicken nuggets)? Or will she reach the end of her Gentle Parenting book and her tether as her dream holiday descends into a nightmare? Join Ellen on her uproarious quest to salvage one of the #18PreciousSummers, or simply find her Grape Escape.

I'm wondering how many more f*cking 'phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me 'it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is 'just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents 'is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are 'just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All 'just phases!' When do the 'phases' end though? WHEN?Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

Its time for a w(h)ine God, shes funny Jilly Cooper Oh, for f*cks sake muttered Claire under her breath, as she opened the fridge to see what she could find for a no effort dinner. The children continued to fight behind her. They regarded any form of fish not encased in breadcrumbs as toxic, and were resistant enough to the delicious homemade fishfingers Claire had made for them, insisting they much preferred Captain Birdseyes version. White wine was starting to look like quite an appealing dinner actually. Maybe just a small glass.Are you having wine, Mum? You know youre not supposed to have wine every night. We did about alcohol units at school. Thats quite a big glass of wine, how many units do you think are in it? Bet the bastards didnt tell you that wine is remarkably good at cancelling out whining though, did they? muttered Claire. Claires family has gone nuclear. Her precious moppets keep calling Childline when she feeds them broccoli, shes utterly Ottolenghied out at weekends, and her darling husband is having an affair with her best friend. The question isnt whether she needs a glass of wine, but is there one big enough? Enter the Sauvignon Sisterhood, a new set of friends brought together by a shared love of liquid therapy. Together they might just be able to convince Claire that, like a good bottle of red, life really can get better with age. Or at least theres more to it than the joy of an M&S non-iron school uniform.

The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks. Monday, 25 JulyThe first day of the holidays. I suppose it couldve been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I dont use the flipping National Trust membership because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items dont really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nations illustrious past, we instead had me shouting Dont touch, DONT TOUCH, FFS DONT TOUCH! while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads.How many more days of the holiday are there? Welcome to Mummys worldThe Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business tripsMummys marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always.Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, shes also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesnt have to run out when the nanny calls in sick.Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing comfy trousers to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T?Probably effing not.

Family begins with a capital eff.Im wondering how many more f*cking phases I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me its just a phase! for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is just a phase. Potty training and the associated accidents is just a phase. The tantrums of the terrible twos are just a phase. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All just phases! When do the phases end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight a dragon badger or a ninja horse they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

No.1 bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited fourth and final Why Mummy novel.I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. It genuinely never occurred to me when they were little that this would ever end an eternity of Teletubbies and Duplo and In The Night Bastarding Garden and screaming, never an end in sight. But now there is. And despite the busybody old women who used to pop up whenever I was having a bad day and tell me I would miss these days when they were over, I dont miss those days at all.I have literally never stood wistfully in the supermarket and thought Oh, how I wish someone was trailing behind me constantly whining Mummy, can I have, Mummy can I have? while another precious moppet tries to climb out the trolley so they land on their head and we end up in A&E. AGAIN. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that shes a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still dont know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying I cant find it Mummy is not the same as actually looking for it! Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, shes doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. Shes feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink. Reader reviews for Why Mummys Sloshed Utterly brilliant Gill Sims never fails to make me laugh out loud I fell in love with Gill Sims razor-sharp wit I just adore this series Ellen is the single most relatable character in any book Devastated the series is finished

The smash hit Sunday Times bestseller.Tuesday 8th September First day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering FML repeatedly. Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan It is Mummys 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like Oooh gosh, are you having another glass? But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who live for their children and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offsprings extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering FML over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea shes had