KATHRYN PETRAS

A gift that celebrates being yourself, in your own unique way. Do you ever feel different? A little weird, a little wacky? Its time to own it, because, as Meryl Streep proclaimed, what makes you different or weird, thats your strength. In this inspiring collection, singers, poets, actors, activists, comedians, designers, athletes, and philosophers share wise and pithy reflections on what its like to march to the beat of a different drummer. Every statement is a powerful, positive reminder that to live successfully is to be completely unapologetically you. We are not what other people say we are. We are who we know ourselves to be, and we are what we love. Thats OK. Laverne Cox All the colors I am inside have not been invented yet. Shel Silverstein I am different, not less Temple Grandin The more I feel imperfect, the more I feel alive. Jhumpa Lahiri Self-censorship is insulting to the self. Timidity is a hopeless way forward. Ai Weiwei

Timeless in their wisdom, thought-provoking in their message, surprising in their truth and memorable in their originality, the right words can give direction, inspiration, and sometimes a tangible boost onto the right path. For example, Steve Jobs once read Stay hungry Stay foolish on the back cover of The Whole Earth Catalog, and those four words came to guide his life. Created by Kathryn and Ross Petras, connoisseurs of quotes, whose books and calendars have over 56 million copies in print, "Dance First. Think Later."is a collection of the greatest life wisdom from an unexpected group of speakers, doers, and thinkers. There are 618 rules to live byfunny, sly, declarative, thoughtful, offhanded, clever, and always profound:Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Roald DahlIf everything is under control, you are going too slow. Mario AndrettiNever make a credit decision on a beach.Victor J. BoschiniDance first. Think later. Its the natural order.Samuel Beckett The only time to eat diet food is while waiting for the steak to cook. Julia Child What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight; build it anyway. Mother Teresa And: Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.Oscar Wilde

THAT DOESN T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

Timeless in their wisdom thought provoking in their message surprising in their truth and memorable in their originality the right words can give direction inspiration and sometimes a tangible boost onto the right path For example Steve Jobs once read Stay hungry Stay foolish on the back cover of The Whole Earth Catalog and those four words came to guide his life Created by Kathryn and Ross Petras connoisseurs of quotes whose books and calendars have over 56 million copies in print Dance First Think Later is a collection of the greatest life wisdom from an unexpected group of speakers doers and thinkers There are 618 rules to live by funny sly declarative thoughtful offhanded clever and always profound Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places Roald Dahl If everything is under control you are going too slow Mario Andretti Never make a credit decision on a beach Victor J Boschini Dance first Think later It s the natural order Samuel Beckett The only time to eat diet food is while waiting for the steak to cook Julia Child What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight build it anyway Mother Teresa And Be yourself Ever

THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOULL EVER READThe celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head-taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out-by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: Feel like shopping?We have no good things to sell.-shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali Feeling sick?Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose?-Japanese medical form Wondering what to wear?A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.-in a French hotel brochure Wondering where to eat?Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch.-slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton InternationalBut dont take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if thats too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.

Un compendio de la estupidez típicamente estadounidense.Una divertidísima colección de noticias, anécdotas, estadísticas y citas que describen acciones estúpidas realizadas por estadounidenses de todas las condiciones sociales y en todas las areas imaginables.Todo el mundo en Estados Unidos sabe que su pais es la patria de los libres y el hogar de los calientes, pero a veces eso significa la libertad de ser tan valientemente estupido como se quiera.

Pursuing a dream is hard work, but the right words delivered at the right timeby people whove been there and done thatcan give us just the motivation we need. The right words can rekindle our enthusiasm, re-energize our efforts, dispel doubt, let us know were not alone, and show us that the fight is worth itand winnable. Kathryn and Ross Petras are masters at choosing and delivering just the right words. Their bookssuch as Age Doesnt Matter Unless Youre a Cheese and Dance First. Think Later.and bestselling calendar, The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said, have over 5.2 million copies in print. Now comes a book for dreamers and doers, plus writers, entrepreneurs, graduates, artists, future movers and shakers. Collecting the hard-won, brilliantly expressed advice from pioneers who have paved the way, including everyone from Rumi to Steve Jobs, Michelangelo to Oprah to Tina Fey, It Always Seems Impossible Until Its Done is like a rousing locker-room speech, inspiring courage, commitment, and perseverance.Ive missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. Ive lost almost 300 games. 26 times, Ive been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. Ive failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. Michael JordanGo for it, baby! Life aint no dress rehearsal. Tallulah Bankhead Perfection is like chasing the horizon. Keep moving. Neil GaimanIf you arent in over your head, how do you know how tall you are? T. S. EliotIt always seems impossible until its done. Nelson Mandela

A COMPENDIUM OF WISDOM Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. GEORGE CARLIN When change comes we have two options: Resist it, and lose. Or go with the flow, and grow. Which means theres really just one optionembracing change is the only path to living your true life. So laugh at it, with George Carlin. Celebrate it, like Patti Smith and David Bowie. Above all, grow with it, like Maya Angelou, Stephen Hawking, Rebecca Solnit, Rumi, and so many others. Arranged alphabetically by subjectincluding Adapting, Control, Faith, Letting Go, New Beginnings, SurprisesCHANGE HAPPENS is the book that says: You can do thisas often as you need to hear it. Change is not merely necessary to lifeit is life. ALVIN TOFFLER Exciting. But often painful. Exhilarating, but unsettling. Clarifying. Bewildering. Unpredictable, and yet inevitable. And usually all of those things at the same time. Like it or not, change happens, and when it does, here is a little book that offers true supporta collection of very wise words by very changed people who know just how you feel.

A book of inspirational quotations, Nothing Is Worth More Than This Day presents hundreds of reminders from some of the smartest people who ever livedfrom Dr. Seuss to Erma Bombeck, Thich Nhat Hanh to Lena Dunhamthat happiness is everywhere and the glass is half-full. Its the perfect gift of optimism, for good times and not-so-good times.

Required reading from great poets of our time. Drew Barrymore: Upon Pondering Breasts. Tom Cruise: An Exegesis on Psychiatry. Ann Coulter: My Kind of Fun. And Trump and Sheen and Snooki, John Boehner and Michelle Bachman, Miley and Ke$ha. Hugo Chavez. Even a Zen haiku by Emmitt Smith:I think its his self- confidence in himself thatmakes him confident.With their great gift for curating the inane public utterances of celebrities, politicians, and other self-important loudmouths, Kathryn and Ross Petras offer a timeless collection of found poetryreal quotes formatted as verse for hilarious and surprising effect. The quotes are inherently addictive and funnybut turning them into verse intensifies the effect, making the words even more ridiculous, parodies to revel in. And the Petrases take it one step further: organizing the poems by themes, introducing each work with a Norton Anthology mock seriousness, discussing schools, and larding the text with footnotes, The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry is pure deadpan pleasure. A whiff of Emily Dickinson in Ann Coulter? Its literary treasure, right under our noses.

Uncommon times call for uncommon wisdom. Its inspiring to hear from people whove graduated from the school of hard knocks, yet kept a sense of humor. People like Twain, Voltaire, Oscar Wilde. People whove said the thing so well that we all wish wed said it. People whove been there, done that, and refuse to sugarcoat what theyve learned. People who know, as Sherry Hochman puts it, that "Every day is a gifteven if it sucks." From Kathryn and Ross Petras, curators of craziness (and surprising smarts), comes a timely collection of reassuring reality:"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?"John Barrymore"October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February." Mark Twain"I know God will not give me anything I cant handle. I just wish he didnt trust me so much."Mother Teresa"When one burns ones bridges, what a very nice fire it makes."Dylan Thomas"If you think you have it tough, read history books."Bill Maher And Voltaire:"Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."

Not just stupidity, but obsessive stupidity! Not just random stupidity, but organized stupidity! Here, from the celebrated collectors of the stupidest things ever said, its the cre`me de la cre`me of stupidities, made even funnier and more compelling in an irresistible top 10 list format. Try one:The Top 10 Stupidest Actual Book Titles:1. A Toddlers Guide to the Rubber Industry 2. Constipation and our Civilization 3. Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers 4. The Secret of Sphincters 5. A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating 6. Life and Laughter midst the Cannibals 7. Be Bold With Bananas 8. Hand-Grenade Throwing as a College Sport 9. Collect Fungi on Stamps10. A Study of Hospital Waiting Lists in Cardiff, 19531954Plus lost-in-translation moments. Doubles entendres. Political speeches, foreign menus, traffic signs. Celebrities on literature, on homelessness, on revealing too much about themselves. Mangled cliches and bizarre analogies, the wit of the witless and comedy of the cluelessnever before have so many said something so dumb, now in one book.

Women with attitude; chicks with balls; and spirited females who proudly own the word "bitches."Bad Girls Go Everywhere is a collection of 300 kick-ass quotes with words of wisdom, inspiration, humor, and sass from past and present-day women who arent afraid to tell it like it is. From Queen Victoria to Queen Latifah, from Bette Davis to Betty White, and from Maria Callas to Mindy Kaling, the fun females in this book comment on everything from body image, truth, and self-actualization to men, relationships, and work. Also included are 50 full-color and black-and-white images throughout.

THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOULL EVER READThe celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its headtaking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining outby using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: Feel like shopping?We have no good things to sell.shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali Feeling sick?Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose?Japanese medical form Wondering what to wear?A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.in a French hotel brochure Wondering where to eat?Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch.slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton InternationalBut dont take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if thats too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.

Full of insight and humor, this quote book is a thoughtful and surprising meditation on aging. Collected by Kathryn and Ross Petras, who have a perfect ear for quotes, Age Doesnt Matter Unless Youre A Cheese brings together Albert Einsteins equation for happiness, Colettes thoughts on the virtues of astonishment, and Julia Childs secret of longevity: "Red meat and gin." As profound as it is clever, Age Doesnt Matter Unless Youre A Cheese brings levity to the subject of getting oldera perfect gift for readers of any age.

A compilation of musings to motivate and inspire readers in need of a quick pick-me-up. We all want to be the person who marches into a meeting brimming with self-confidence, unbothered by what others think of them right before making a killer speech. But all too often, crippling self-doubt creeps in. This book is a self-esteem boosting collection of pocket-sized pep talks from successful people in a multitude of fields, including Serena Williams, Stephen King, Helen Keller, Julia Child, and so much morethat will give readers a strong dose of self-assurance. I am lucky that whatever fear I have inside me, my desire to win is always stronger. Serena Williams The scariest moment is always just before you start. Stephen King Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Helen Keller Just speak very loudly and quickly, and state your position with utter conviction, as the French do, and youll have a marvelous time! Julia Child

*Too lazy to drive to his girlfriends house, a man ties helium balloons to a lawn chair--and ends up at 15,000 feet, closing the L. A. airport.*A Chinese contraception program causes the birth rate to rise when men are discovered taking birth control pills and unrolling condoms over their fingers--exactly as shown in the training film.*A gang of Norwegian thieves carefully uses explosives to open a safe--only to find the safe is filled with dynamite. . .In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said--over 200,000 copies in print--Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. But what about the doers out there, the people who didnt stop at speaking, but went right out and did something stupid instead?Its time to give credit where credit is due.The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a hilarious collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from throughout history, and around the globe. From Sam Goldwyn to Walter Mondale, Albert Einstein to Fabio, the board of General Motors to British Parliament, this comic compendium chronicles the stupidest acts, ideas, decisions, inventions, songs, and ad campaigns that the mind of modern man has been able to devise. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a non-stop barrage of belly laughs, conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words.

A connoisseurs compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth

Writing very bad poetry requires talent. It helps to have a wooden ear for words, a penchant for sinking into a mire of sentimentality, and an enviable confidence that allows one to write despite absolutely appalling incompetence.The 131 poems collected in this first-of-its-kind anthology are so glaringly awful that they embody a kind of genius. From Fred Emerson Brooks"The Stuttering Lover" to Matthew Greens "The Spleen" to Georgia Bailey Parringtons misguided "An Elegy to a Dissected Puppy", they mangle meter, run rampant over rhyme, and bludgeon us into insensibility with their grandiosity, anticlimax, and malapropism.Guaranteed to move even the most stoic reader to tears (of laughter), Very Bad Poetry is sure to become a favorite of the poetically inclined (and disinclined).

A mother, answering her phone, hears her daughter shrieking and screaming. Terrified, she calls the police who arrive at the daughters house, batter down the door--and find the daughter, nude, in her bedroom having sex with her boyfriend. Apparently her toe hit the automatic dial button for her mothers number on the bedroom phone. A man, swimming in a Florida pool, sees the pool intake pipe and gets a unique idea. Hours later, after police, firemen, and EMT personnel are called, the man is taken to an area hospital--along with ten feet of pipe attached to a very swollen part of his anatomy. A newly married couple in Turin set up a video camera in their bedroom to tape all of their honeymoon activities. But somehow certain crucial wires got crossed. While they were enjoying their honeymoon sex, so was everyone else in their apartment building: the couple had accidentally connected their camera to the buildings cable television system. In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done chronicled fiascoes, senseless stunts, and utterly asinine activities from around the globe. Now, Stupid Sex takes on the subject that no one can resist. Its about people who get caught in the act . . . and about people who get caught in the trash disposal. Stupid Sex tells two hundred true stories of extremely dumb (and very funny) sex acts arranged under headings ranging from Airplane Sex to Zoo Bathroom Sex.