What Would Susie Say?

IN WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?, Susie Essman sheds the crasser layers to reveal how she went from an anxiety-ridden, struggling stand-up comic to being one of the funniest women on television, playing Susie Greene on HBOs Curb Your Enthusiasm. Emerging as one of the most successful performers in her field, Essman goes behind the scenes of a life in comedy with her funny cohorts, including Joy Behar, Rodney Dangerfield, and, of course, Jeff Garlin and Larry David, while also providing sidesplittingly funny wisdom on a range of topics that shes highly unqualified to expound upon, including men, sports, hypochondria, and stepparenthood.

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...

MARRIAGE?

"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word commit is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."

MEN WITH DOGS?

"As a dog lover, Ive researched many different breeds and Ive begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. Theyre hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."

THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?

"I guess I just have to accept the fact that Im going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I wont even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"

STEPPARENTHOOD?

"My mother used to tell me you cant buy your kids love. Bullshit. You can, and its exponential. Theyre like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you."

WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY? is Essmans irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.