KYLIE

What on earth would Kylie Minogue do without Madonna? She has spent the last twenty years attempting to replicate Madonna''s career down to the smallest detail, but publishing a children''s book is surely too shameless a step even for her. Has Kylie ever had an original thought, I wonder? Would she recognise it or know what to do with it if she did?
Madonna has never remarked on Kylie''s stalker-like obsession with copying her; she''s always said she likes the diminutive Aussie popster... but then imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (so they say), so perhaps Madge is merely flattered by having such a devoted admirer. Her fans, however, are not so tolerant.
Rumours that Kylie is trying to encourage her beau Oliver Martinez to make a mockney crime caper and is looking for a trendy ''cult'' they can both join have yet to be substantiated... but we all know it''s only a matter of time.