SERIOUSLY IN KIDDING

"I bet a lot of you are probably thinking, Ellen (or Mrs. DeGeneres, depending on how well we know one another) why are you writing another book after already proving yourself by penning two wildly, wildy successful tomes? Well the truth is, since I wrote my last book a lot has happened in my life. I got married. I got my own talk show. I started a record label. I became a CoverGirl®. I won an Academy Award.* I won the Boston Marathon.* and I was knighted by the Queen of England.* I''ve experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you''ll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I''ve put together for you in this book. I think you''ll find I''ve left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivoies untickled. What am saying is, let us begin, shall we?" —Ellen DeGeneres *Unconfirmed at time of printing!